Thankful

I say a little prayer every day. I don’t exactly know anymore to whom I’m sending it. I was raised a Catholic, but I have gotten out of that box a long time ago. Once you get out, you can never go back, that much I’ve learned. But the habit of prayer is something that I cannot break away from. Perhaps it’s that part of me that is unwilling to give up faith on spirituality. Funny, because I don’t even know what that means. When it comes to defining that part of my humanity, I am a work in progress. I’m not even sure if I should be trying to define or work towards it, but one thing it has left me with is prayer.

Today, a heartfelt prayer of thanks pushed itself outward. It could be my hormones, my state of sleeplessness, but I am tearfully grateful.

One, I have enjoyed slaving through a technical report. Writing such things has always been a torture for me, but when I break away from the misery of starting paragraphs and looking for connections, I find joy in the challenge of stringing the right words to convey the right ideas. Of course, what is “right” for me may be completely wrong for my boss and the editors, but I look forward to what I will learn from them. Seriously…it ain’t the hormones.

Two, my boss has just granted me a reprieve from today’s deadline. I can submit next week. Really, I do not deserve her kindness. She should be yelling at and firing me for being the lousiest of employees. But every time, she gives me a chance that I haven’t earned. It makes me feel as guilty as hell, but I am not stupid enough not to thank her…so I just did.

Three, I get to see mountains tomorrow. What a way to build on this gratitude episode.

Mountains, whatever is on them, and the cool weather they bring always remind me that some things are bigger than me (well, they literally are!). They tell me that I gotta get some perspective back into my life and realize that most of my worries really are small and petty.

I wish I can trek to this huge mountain I’m going to; the gasping and wheezing for air during high altitude hiking really nails me to the present. How can my mind fly to the past or the future when nothing else matters but the pursuit of oxygen?

Not this time, though. Walking up unfit to the highest peak I will go to so far in very cold weather can do some serious damage. I am not yet that foolish. I will take the jeepney.

Amen to my dose of prayer today. Amen to life. In spite of myself, it’s great to be alive!

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